Love Languages - How to Use It to Improve Your Relationship

Picture this: you speak only Hindi, and your partner speaks only English. You might understand a bit of English, but Hindi is what you’re most comfortable with. You’re able to communicate and listen better when someone is talking to you in Hindi. It comes naturally to you. Your partner feels the same about English. 

We all have our own unique ways of expressing and receiving love. But have you ever stopped to think about why some things make you feel loved and appreciated, while others don't seem to have the same effect? That is where love languages come into the picture. 

Also read: Relationship Counselling 101: Can Couples Therapy Fix Your Relationship?

What are love languages?

Love languages are the ways in which you give and receive love. Essentially, your love language is how you communicate your love towards your friend, family member or partner. 

Love languages are a theory developed by Dr Gary Chapman, which states that there are five main ways that people express and receive love: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Understanding and utilising your own love language, as well as your partner's, can greatly improve your relationship and help you feel more connected and loved.  

Here are the five love languages: 

• Words of Affirmation: This love language involves expressing love through verbal encouragement and compliments. 

• Acts of Service: This love language involves expressing love through actions, such as doing the dishes or running errands. 

• Giving and Receiving Gifts: This is the love language that involves expressing love through tangible gifts, such as a bouquet of flowers or a special piece of jewellery.

• Quality Time: In this love language, love is expressed through undivided attention and spending time together. 

• Physical Touch: In this love language, love is expressed through physical touches, such as hugs or holding hands.  

Also read: What Is Trauma Bonding?

How to determine your love language?

Determining your own love language, as well as your partner's, can be a bit tricky. But there are a few ways to figure it out. One way is to pay attention to how you naturally express love and what makes you feel loved and appreciated. Another way is to ask your partner how they feel most loved and appreciated. It's also important to keep in mind that people can have a primary love language, but also have elements of other love languages. Also, just because your partner has a different love language than you, it does not mean that you are incompatible - it just means that you both will have to communicate what needs to be done for both of you to feel loved. 

Once you have a good understanding of your own and your partner's love languages, you can start using them to improve your relationship. For example, if your love language is Words of Affirmation, make sure to tell your partner how much you appreciate them and how much they mean to you. If your partner's love language is Quality Time, plan a special date night where you can spend quality time together.

Using love languages can improve communication and strengthen your relationship in many ways. It can help you understand why certain things make your partner feel loved and appreciated, and vice versa. It can also help you express your own love in a way that your partner can truly understand and appreciate.

Understanding and utilising love languages can be a powerful tool in any relationship, even familial and friendships. It's important to remember that everyone is different, and what makes one person feel loved and appreciated might not have the same effect on another person. By understanding love languages, you can improve your communication and strengthen your relationship. 

Also read: The Science Behind Emotional Intelligence and How It Affects Relationships

It's important to note that if you and your partner are struggling with communication and understanding each other's love languages, couples therapy can be an effective way to work through these issues. A trained therapist can help you and your partner understand and communicate with each other in a healthy and constructive way. Don't be afraid to seek help if you need it, your relationship is worth the effort.